what’s his name? May 29, 2009

today – my mind was definitely not in the room, when my clinical educator asked, “what’s your next patient’s name?” and i replied “tennis elbow” in the most enthusiastic way and she burst out laughing so hard. everyone asked what happened and the next thing i know, the rest of the physios in the office joined her. -__-

one of them even joked, “hey! my name is tennis elbow. and you? osteoarthritis?”

pls don’t laugh too much.. i know it’s funny but spare me this time. haha. fine, i laughed a lot myself too. i felt totally stoopid.

May 28, 2009

how awesome it is that one sentence can just ruin ur whole night.

it’s slowly drawing nearer.. May 28, 2009

2 days – finish up EEB assignment.

8days – till my stoopid placement end. i definitely can’t wait for this. so much to rant about it..

11days – to pass up EEB

18days – to finish and pass up CIHC 1 assignment and group presentation assessment. DONE WITH SECOND YEAR UNI!

25days – plane back to the place called home!

it’s definitely drawing nearer. i can’t wait for 18days to pass which means i’m done done done with work that’s prolly stressing me out right now. placements have been tiring + upsetting. it definitely have shattered my confidence. loads i have learn, but loads i wanna complain abt it esp when it’s particularly mondays and tuesdays. i’m jus gonna have to sit thro another monday and tuesday next week and my final evaluation and i’m done!

the fact that i don’t agree to all your unreasonable pushing and under-pressure and your “oh, you don’t know the answer?” look because all it does is not motivate me at all.. haven’t i told you i don’t work well under pressure? esp with all those non-stop questions you grill me with constantly. different ppl work differently. i’ve come to a point that i actually don’t care about impressing you anymore ‘cos how hard i try, your expectations get higher i can’t possibly cope with it myself. i can rant through the night about that. good. the thought of two more days next week i have to put up with, and the awesome best part is no new patients with you, i ‘m glad it’s gonna be over soon. two days is bearable. i’m glad. funny how, it’s the only two days of the week i don’t look forward for or at the end of the day, i jus get more annoyed at everything and everyone around me. days like that makes you super extremely tired..

one clinical presentation this monday and after evaluation, i’ll take the chill pill. relax and do my assignments..

talk physio – no more for me for a good mth or so. i wanna talk rubbish, that would definitely make me happier person. what’s crazy – i might want to do outpatients for my electives next yr. jus hope i get a good educator like my other one who take cares of me for the rest of the week. she’s a lovely woman.

i’m almost there. jus got to hang out. i’ll be fine!

man u lost tonite’s game. results of it tonite – unusually noisy city.

you: the one who makes my day. May 27, 2009

from the first time we’ve crossed paths, nothing has ever change except for the fact that i have fallen more in love with you. 5 mths have gone, although we’ve been through quite a bit, i would never gonna trade anything in the world for all those memories we had together. funny how, everyday without fail, the only person i think a lot about is YOU. funny how, i grew fond of someone so quickly and gave my heart to. no regrets, no turning back because of one simple fact that i am in love with you. baby, thanks for putting up with me all through these months even when i’m being over the top negative, inconsiderate and selfish. i really appreciate that – your patience and selflessness have sweep me off my feet. i prolly cannot thank you enough cos i cannot ask for more than that. thank you baby.

5 months and counting..

i love you baby and you definitely know that.

baby and i - barcelona

when two people are really in love with each other, they won’t ever let go even if it hurts a thousand times or more…

daddy, i love you. May 18, 2009

aww. my daddy’s just sooooooooooooooooooo adorable……

i got an email from daddy which really made my day! it said..

title: DOGS

the dogs i like..

since my brother’s leaving Brunei to further his studies, daddy and mummy will be lonely at home without us. can’t imagine it being that way. i remember the night i left for uk, my mummy cried her eyes out, my daddy was really really sad and my brother, awww, he cried too. i wonder how my parents will take it when my brother leaves home.

anyways, i was telling daddy we should get a house dog so they won’t feel so lonely at home. i told them to get this dog..

which i extremely adore.. but my parents thought otherwise. look how cute this lil dog is!

so the next day, in my gmail, my dad emailed me the two dogs he adored.

daddy, i love you and i miss you and mummy heaps. you really made my day!!!

future. May 17, 2009

we spend our whole life worrying about the future,
planning for the future,
trying to predict the future,
as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow,
but the future is always changing,
future is the home of our deepest fears,
and our wildest hopes,
but one thing is certain,
when it finally reveals itself,
the future is not the way we imagine.

YOU. May 13, 2009

my boyfriend

this is the person i’m missing the most right now – neoh xm.

you never fail to make me smile,

you never fail to keep me happy,

baby, i will love you always.

love me, don’t leave me. May 12, 2009

under pressure. high expectations. assessed placement. worries. deadlines. presentations. assignments.

i’m losing it. i’m at the most vulnerable state ever. i can’t take pressure at all especially with all the shit going. whatever effort i put in EVERYTHING, i never feel satisfied at all ‘cos although, i have low expectations, disappointment eagerly waits for me at the door. waiting seems like forever. waiting is like waiting for the sky to drop except it never will.

the only thing i eagerly wait at the end of the day, never really happens. only to find, i’m in a windwhirl of emotions – disappointment, hurt, anger, tiredness. now i really try to tell myself over and over again, to stop waiting bev. stop waiting. stop.

nothing ever is right now. i keep trying and trying but never seems to resolve at this very moment when i really desperately need it to. i might even give up sooner or later ‘cos finally, i see the breaking point, the end of the road. i’m truthfully tired, tired to the point that i refuse to do anything but lie on bed all day. it prolly seems to be the best thing in the world right now. being alone feels somewhat, great.

now this is what i am doing – letting each day pass without nothing to look forward to. aimless much.

shit happens. life isn’t smooth sailing.

love me, don’t leave me. keep me safe. don’t break me.

untitled. May 5, 2009

HOW LOVE CAN MAKE YOU AND BREAK YOU.

figure that out. it’s so true.

these are the times i miss home so much. 23rd june, here i come.